I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
