Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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