Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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