I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
