I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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