Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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