His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
