i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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