I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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