Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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