He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
