so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drake has all the answers
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
