You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
