Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
