omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
