if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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