No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
