Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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