we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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