can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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