when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
