I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
