I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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