Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Too much gin, very little bucket
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
