If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
