he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
