I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
