Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
