I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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