i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my liver is dry heaving
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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