Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she smelled like a LAN party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
