just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize