dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
