Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
