there was a trapeze. enough said
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
