it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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