I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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