Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
