Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
