garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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