Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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