My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
