Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
