Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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