It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
