Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
