we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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