So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
