I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize