if you like me you must not know who I am
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
