so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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