My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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