maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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