I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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