is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
