nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
