I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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