So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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