you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
