The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
