glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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