The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
