Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
