Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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