You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
