Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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