woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
