the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
