If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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