dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
