happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
