I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize