Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
