I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
