Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
