Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
