if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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