OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
