She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
