I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
birth control should be required to get into college
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
