Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
