somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize