Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize