nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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