its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
