He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize