Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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