My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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