i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
