VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
