I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
