Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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