Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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