If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
