Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well you can't waste a boner
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
