Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
