I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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