If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
