White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
