who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
