There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
