I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
