I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
