i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
