the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
