Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
