new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize