thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
