sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
