I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
