It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
