i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize