pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
