Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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