I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i believe in u and ur pee
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